Kismet

I can't like back date anything.  I know for certain the last day I saw my daughter was December 2.  Just briefly.  A trip to Hobby Lobby, Ollie's earlier.  The end of Thanksgiving break.  We bought Mary Ellen a grinch cup.  Dodi picked out a few things and I purchased a tin heart for the West wall adjacent to the bed..  She was super eager to get back home and only stayed a few hours..  He died overnight Tuesday late to early Wednesday morning.  I had gone by Friday to see her, but she was out.  The entire thing is strange.  The family's reaction, their secrecy, and the continued stalking amongst the ongoing alienation.  Almost like perfectly choreographed from the beginning of the end 

She's been very strange to me since the death, December 6.  Things were already extremely strained as she has had her head filled with falsehoods for several years.  The falsehoods were very hard on her at the beginning and she felt so abandoned and needed me so bad.  It was like trying to claw your way out of a hole to get to see her.  I would get here and go above and beyond, traveling often and after 5 hours of driving she would be hidden from me intentionally.  Slowly working on her.  Since 2018 actually .  Begging for my child.  It devoured our relationship.  It's so very heartbreaking.  Very hurtful.  

Anyway, on that day, in a little journal I occasionally jot things in, towards the empty pages, I wrote down the word Kismit.  Then there was a list of festivals and craft shows, upcoming holiday events.  I remember because we went to Shirley Hills Baptist Church craft show.  Myself and Mary Ellen.  She missed her mother so very much.  I got back relatively early and that's when I got Dodi for a little while.  We were anticipating the holidays.  

Kismet.  Fate.  Destiny.  How odd.  Here it is mid July of the following year and just today I had a conversation about the differences in fate and destiny.  

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